Getting to Know You

So I can't remember what I have and haven't told you about my new career path but it involves working from home.  This is good.  Most of the time.

The rest of the time?  I long for an office devoid of three year olds who have no concept of time but insist on constantly inquiring about the time.  And then arguing with me about it.  A quiet office.  Free of dogs.  Where I don't need to holler "ENOUGH" upwards of nine times a day to no avail.

This is a learning journey.  For instance, my three year old, I've discovered, is kind of an asshole.   I knew this to be somewhat true but when I wasn't spending 24 hours a day with him, it was easy to look past it once you caught a glimpse of his big green eyes and devilish good looks.  Being together, all. of. the. time.  has brought a new truth to light.  He's a true baby of the family which basically translates into he never listens, shuns discipline but is such a laid back and fun loving guy you can't help but laugh at his latest asshole antic.

Today, upon being chastened, he advised he would be leaving and going to his "other home".  I inquired as to where this home might be.  Turns out he's got himself a little getaway pad in Saskatoon.  He's watched a lot of Home Alone lately and this has led to him wishing for me to disappear after again being disciplined.  Unfortunately for him, the likelihood of me going to Paris, with or without him, is about as likely as my being ID'd in Brooks, Alberta.  (read previous post).

So here are the perks to my current occupation:

1) Dress Code:  here at Penny Lane Inc. an elasticized waist is a requirement.  As is an over-sized hoodies paired with an equally over-sized t-shirt.  Socks are optional.  Make-up is even more optional.  Really, clean underwear and brushing one's teeth pretty much qualify one as C.E.O.

2) Commute:  Zero minutes.  No more near-aneurysm causing commutes behind one of our city's fair senior members.  No more shouting four-letter words at Gramps and Grams and then feeling guilty and like Baby Jebus is frowning on my bitterness towards all octogenarian drivers.

3) Co-workers:  Three year old, two dogs and two cats and for an hour at lunch, a six year old.  This is where it starts to fall apart a little.  But it's still bearable as I don't have to make bullshit small talk with any of them.

4) Management:  Technically I am self-employed so clearly the Management is beyond fantastic.  Funny in a cynically wonderful sarcastic manner.  No bullshit.  Doesn't frown upon my bare feet or sweat pants.

There you have it.  It's a pretty sweet deal that will only get sweeter at the end of this week when I get to venture out of the house back into the world of adults.  So I'll have to trade in the sweats for a day or two in exchange for some semi-professional wear but on the bright side, I will not have to bathe anyone midday when a poop has taken an unexpected turn for the worse.  I may have to make small talk but will not have to put my dog on time-out.  It's all about choices and for now, I choose to accept my youngest child, a product of my parenting, is kind of an asshole.  I also choose to recognize this is as close to having the best of both worlds that I've ever had, and for that?  

Well, for that, I am grateful.