My Baby Shits Outside

Not a real baby people, my puppy. My puppy whom I just realized today was spelling his name wrong.  My son named him Chuy because he likes to chew on things (puppy not kid). Give him a break, he's only 6.  I embraced this name wholeheartedly because of it's Latin flair and because of Chelsea Handler and her nugget, Chuy.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, just Google her. You'll thank me, I promise.  Anyway, until today we had been spelling it Chuey. WRONG! Oh the horror.  I hate spelling errors.  So this is my official announcement of the change in spelling. Still pronounced the same.

Now that we got that out of the way let's talk about how fucking tired I am.  I am Facebook friends with a woman who has an approximately six week old baby and she's getting more sleep than I am at this point.  Chuy is an early riser.  I think it may have been yesterday morning that I did actually get to stay in bed past 7 a.m.  And I can't just come down here and relax. No I must take my dear little furry friend outside.  Outside is very important. Outside is where all the defecating and urinating must take place.  And for the most part it has.  He's very very excited to see me in the morning and runs around like a lunatic in sheer joy of his good fortune. "I've been set free again!"  "She came back!" "Woo hoo!"  The way he races around I think if he could talk there would be exclamations such as these.

Last night he was very cozy sleeping on the couch and when we decided we were ready for bed after numbing our brains with some Big Brother, it was time for Chuy to go outside one last time before bed.  He seemed confused about this. Which led my daughter and I to wonder how we would respond in the same situation. Imagine falling asleep on the couch only to have a loved one wake you up, carry you outside and set you down in the middle of the lawn and say it's time to "Go Outside".  I think I'd be confused, angered and respond with a great big 'What the Fuck?'  Chuy, though, is a gentleman so he just peed and carried on with his evening. 

Last time I had a puppy I also had a three month old baby. This time my youngest child is three. He is toilet trained and he sleeps through the night.  I cannot say the same for Chuy.  At the same time I've purchased him his very own blanket and several toys and speak to him in his own 'voice'.  All of our pets have their own assigned voices. As does my daughter. I'm big on the voices. Blame it on my mother (not lack of meds or Grape Vodka). 

He is, for all intents and purposes, my baby. I'm relieved when he sleeps because I don't have to be on the watch for him peeing or pooping where he shouldn't or chewing something he shouldn't or eating something he shouldn't.  My 'baby' appears to prefer Large Breed dog food or wet or dry cat food to his own $50/bag puppy food.  In turn, he lets us hold him like an actual baby and come Christmas, he will have a sweater.  And maybe, a Halloween costume when that time arrives.

Chuy Alejandro has brought much joy to our lives already as well as a little Cinco de Mayo spirit right here in the middle of July.  Ole! (I don't know how to make the little accent go over the 'e').