No More

I think I've written about this before but given my life as of late I think it bears further discussion.  Whatever happened to feminism?  Seriously.

Most of my University career was spent examining the perils of a patriarchal society.  Study of how women fought for the vote; for the right to choose; for equal pay for equal work.  I have a friend who often laments the feminist movement because in her eyes, if it never existed she would not have to leave the home to work and could happily spend her days homemaking.  However I don't think feminism is to blame.

Many women prefer to work outside of the home.  Some have very little choice in the matter based on financial need.  Feminists recognized this and the Women's Movement, in part, was in effort to ensure these women were/are being properly compensated for their work despite the fact they don't have penises.

So why the history lesson? 

Here's why...people have been writing about the Double Day or the Double Work-Week, in reference to women, for at least thirty years now and yet nothing has changed.  Nearly all of the women I know work a full-time job and still do the lion's share of the house work, child rearing and cooking.  And on top of that, are now mired in trying to attain nearly impossible standards of 'beauty'.  Booking waxing appointments, working out in their free time and condemning themselves time and time again each time a cookie or chip passes their lips.

I'm not suggesting Feminism means not taking care of ourselves, but more often than not, the appointments and work-outs are geared toward attaining these unattainable standards and less about self-care.

And men?  Men will help when asked and expect a certain amount of acknowledgement (preferred 'acknowledgement', for most men means more than a hug or a simple Thank You, but that's what most of them can expect). Yet when we clean the house from top to bottom, chauffeur our children to their 17 different games and meetings, it is more expected than acknowledged.

 Men, whether they are 98 pound weaklings or 'big boned' fellas, could not be prouder of their physiques (penises) and feel we, as women, should be equally enamoured.  Most of the time, many of us would prefer to 'enamour' with the lights off and shudder at the thought of full nudity in broad daylight in front of anyone, even our husbands who take such pride in their less-than-perfect bodies it usually requires dancing when coming out of the shower.

Men do not understand what our fixation is on our weight and assure us we look 'just fine'.  If they are convincing enough this may be believable for a moment.  Until a size 6 walks past in tight jeans and Bubba nearly loses his balance and suffers from whiplash trying to take in her ass as she saunters past.  And we admonish him for looking, lament our love handles and storm off tearfully at his failure to understand.

Then later, make-up-less and in sweat pants, enjoying our evening snack, we veritably howl like she-wolves at our favourite leading man on the television.  And God help him if he says anything. We are entitled, he is not.

It's all pretty fucked up, if you ask me.

Back to feminism...it's dead.  Posh killed it.  So did Brooke Burke.  And any other celebrity who has four, three or even one child and then poses in a bikini within weeks. Heidi-fucking-Klum ring a bell?

And we fall for it, time and time again.  Berate ourselves, beat ourselves up for not looking like that within weeks, months or ahem, years, of birthing the little monsters ourselves.  And our husbands look on, blase, scratching their bellies, think about losing five pounds and drop 10 after a brisk walk with the dog, and we are left bitter, bloated and bitchy.

Or it's the friend who appears to be some strange breed of Super Mom.  She's thin.  She always looks perfect. Hair done, make-up done.  Her children are clean and well-behaved. Her home is immaculate.  And again, we beat ourselves up for not being as efficient or as "good" as her.  What we forget, is that she, is busy beating herself up too.  For likely a multitude of reasons.

This is where the death of Feminism and current pop culture has gotten us.  Self-doubting and self-berating our inability to measure up.

Today's most relate-able television character is Frankie Heck on The Middle.  Their house does not look like it was decorated by Martha Stewart herself; they eat fast-food; their children are not perfect.  Yet, the show loses some of it's effectiveness in terms of social consciousness by the sheer silliness of it.  Yes it's entertaining, but real?  Not quite.

So where does this leave us?  What's the answer?  I think it hearkens back to a post by Single Dad Laughing on perfection.  We speak up.  We no longer apologize for the condition of our home, no matter how clean or dirty, when a friend pops by.  We ask for help.  We stop berating our bodies and ourselves for not attaining perfection.  Perfection is boring anyway.  Perfection does not leave work two hours early without any other explanation than a misunderstanding of military time.  Perfection does not leave the house with two different shoes on.  Perfection?  Does not laugh.

And above all, I think we need to laugh.

We need to laugh and we need to value ourselves enough to tell Bubba what he needs to do to demonstrate how much he values what we do as well.  Time and time again the 'experts' on marriage say the best way to get a man to help around the house is to show gratitude and appreciation for his efforts.  Well guess what mother truckers, maybe it's time the tables were turned.  Maybe it's time we take the wheel on that one and starting asking for the same.

Maybe it's time for us to proudly strut our stuff upon coming out of the shower...

Too far?

Well whatever the case, this will not be the last you'll hear from me.  I have much more to say.  From my sons already taking me for granted to my sometimes wish, on particularly bad days, that my daughter will never marry or have children.  Simply because I shudder to think of her someday burning her candle at both ends in this miserable search for perfection that doesn't exist.

Like I said, those are particularly bad days.  On the not so bad days, I wear my slippers in an effort to avoid crumbs on the soles of my feet in the kitchen; I make grilled cheese and french fries for supper and I wear sweat pants and eat chocolate sans guilt.

Maybe instead of labelling this all as Feminism,which I know sometimes puts people off for a number of (stupid) reasons, let's focus on less guilt.  No more feeling guilty for a less than immaculate home.  No more guilt for enjoying a treat; whether that be chocolate, chips, a beer or a pop, or all of the above.

No more.

Reality TV is Killing Gender Equality

I know, I know, that's a big statement to make but hear me out.

Case Study #1: Paula Abdul from American Idol/Straight Up/Cartoon Cat in her video Fame.

When I was 12 my cousin played her Paula Abdul tape for me.  She knew all the words.  How come she was so much cooler than me? I did my part though and quickly embraced Paula and set out learning those lyrics.  I paid rapt attention to that video she did with Keanu Reeves. I'm not sure if that was before or after Point Break, but at that time, the combination of the two of them was irresistible.  Then before you know it, Paula was just kind gone. 

American Idol.  She was baaaack.  I'll admit I didn't really watch AI until the season Fantasia Barino won.  Before that I shunned it as I shunned most reality TV.  These days I watch everything from Big Brother to Amazing Race to 19 and Counting. That's just a small sample of the reality TV that guides my life. 

Anyway, back to dearest Paula.  As we all know, or at least those of us with a television know, Paula started getting a little wonky.  I found this amusing.  It was better than when she was actually trying to judge because that was just pointless.  If it appeared she was sober, I usually muted (before I could record) her and later (after recording) I fast-forwarded and went straight to Simon.  Yes, Simon is mean, but 9.8 times out of 10, he's right.  Paula was just pretty much unstable eye candy. Sort of.

But, and there's a big but here, I prefer Looney Tunes to Kara DioGuardi.  That bitch gets under my skin  like nobodies business. When Katy Perry was on this past season and seemed less than enamoured with Ms.  DioGuardi herself, I revelled in it.  I typically fast forward through her too.  More eye candy.  Kind of pasty eye candy, but she's attractive all the same.  No ability, whatsoever, to get to the point.  I. Just. Want. Her. To. SHUT. UP.

For those of you following along, Kara was Case Study #2.

Case Study #3:  Natasha Leggero on Last Comic Standing.  I hate that I have to be negative here because I'm all about the female comic.  However, back when Chelsea Lately was still aired here*, her laugh drove me then and she wasn't overly funny.  So the laugh + not all that funny=(insert buzzer sound).  And her judging ability?  More buzzer.  She's the Paula/Kara of Last Comic Standing.

Why is it so hard to find a female judge for one of these programs?  Let me clarify.  Why is it so hard to find an intelligent female judge.  Maybe that's not fair.  I don't think any of these women are actually stupid, per se ,they just cannot make a decent point or really, sometimes, any point at all.  I love Ellen DeGeneres.  I record her show every day.  She makes me happy when I'm at my lowest. Did I love her on American Idol? No and it pains me to admit this.

My point is people feminism appears to be dead.  Well except for Tina Fey and Amy Pohler.  Oh and Kristen Wig. I think that's her name. The new super funny one from SNL.  There are not a lot of strong intelligent opinionated women on television right now.  At least not from what I'm seeing.  And yes, I'm not helping by watching shows like Big Brother where the casting is clearly based on the following formula: everyone needs to be conventionally attractive, one set of fake breasts, one 'elder', one gay and one minority.

And now that I'm an avid blogger in not only writing them but reading others, I know these intelligent, opinionated women exist. And they post pictures on their blogs (some of them) so I know they're attractive too.  The long standing stereotype of intelligent female equals ugly female continues to be perpetuated and accepted by society.  And Sarah Palin.

So come on ladies, and forward thinking men (whom I also know exist), what are we going to do about this? Bloggers (and friends) unite!

*This is my plea for someone somewhere to make E! available to us poor fuckers here in Saskatchewan. Chelsea Lately is one of the best shows ever.  I can't watch it anymore.  I can watch Farm Report.  Doesn't quite have the same flavour though.  Please please help us.