Friday, August 13, 2010

Sally Ann

I didn't post yesterday and am struggling with thinking of something to post about today but do not want to go TWO WHOLE DAYS without posting because what will my fans do? think? read?

Narcissist much?

Maybe. Slightly.  And desperate and paranoid.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love this blog.  And loving it means I would like it to do well...  whatever that means.

The last two days though I've been dragging my ass. Hard.  Today I ventured to Regina with my two oldest children to do a bit of clothes shopping. It was mostly good. Until, on our way out of town, I almost hit two teenagers on bikes.  The vehicle in the outside lane had stopped but I was going a tad fast to stop and thought they would wait to make sure everyone was stopping before they crossed as this is a major street.  They didn't.  I slammed on the brakes and afterwards listened to a diatribe from my son, who's been a licensed driver for all of four months, about my "many accidents" and how long did I even have a license before I got into my first accident.  I was somewhat stumped by this and said "years?".  His reply: "That's not what Dad made it sound like".

Have I mentioned I am tired?  Have I mentioned I have been divorced from said Dad for eight years, separated for ten?  Have I mentioned I was 16 when I became pregnant by said "Dad" after three months of dating and had I not, likely never would've engaged in a long term relationship with Dad?  Does anyone get the sense this may have pushed a button?

Sigh.  So off I went into my very own diatribe of how "Dad" clearly has his own perception of our time together and is quite grandiose in his relating it to them.  Or maybe I just said, "He makes stuff up".

Well, he does.

Was it necessary for me to launch into what almost amounted to a full-scale attack? No.

I hate Bad Mother Days.  I know we all have them but in hindsight they are always so avoidable.  We were all charged up from nearly hitting children on bicycles and I think that is what took over rather than a rational discussion of driving and cycling safety and into a discussion of their father's version of history as compared to my own.

I am also stressed because I couldn't really afford today but they needed some school clothes and it's not their fault I got fired and we are a little strapped for cash.  They are not really wanting for anything and wear their fair share of brand name items; some paid for by themselves and the odd treat from us. 

Why, if we can't afford it? Because I never had White Reebok runners.  Because I never had 'lock-up jeans'.  Because I wore the same pair of glasses from Grades 5 through 8 and even the teachers were happy for me when I got new ones.

Don't get me wrong, I had all of my basic needs more than met.  I had clothes.  I was warm. I ate very well. 

At 12, 13 and 14 though?  That gets forgotten and all you remember is carefully planning out the week's worth of clothes so no one would notice you wore a pair of jeans more than once.  And telling kids you "forgot" where you got your "new" shirt from, when complimented on it, because it was from "Sally Ann's" (for those of you who don't know, that's the Salvation Army).

So today I spent.  Today I snapped.  Today I was a Bad Mom for a minute but maybe? I was mostly trying to be Good.


  1. We so had the same childhood regarding clothes and brand names and trying to wear stuff more than once a week without being noticed! I did have a pair of lock up jeans that my stepmom bought me though...sadly, they were just barely long enough for me...that put a damper on that! The only other "expensive" thing I ever remember having was a "Chip and Pepper" shirt I begged my Mom for and she somehow found a way to afford. I was always fed and had had a place to live, maybe a small pet, but it was slim times around my house and man, could, my Mom make a bag of rice last, lol. I put my abilities to cook and make something out of nothing down to her! So much love to my Mom!!

  2. Hi
    I hope you are feeling better today. It's hard trying to get things that the kids want and need when you don't have the money. I agonize over every purchase when money is tight.
    When I was in school, I don't remember getting anything that expensive. $100 shoes? $50 jeans? I doubt if the total of ALL the shoes and jeans I owned ever equaled that amount.

  3. Ah, I didn't have any Chip 'n' Pepper shirts either. Unfortunately I went to a school where it was made very much an issue if you weren't wearing stuff like that. It was kind of a relief when we moved to 'the city' and there were too many kids for anyone to make it much of an issue.

    And yes, Sherri, it is crazy how much clothes cost now. Luckily I have two very responsible kids who buy their 'big ticket' items with money earned at work and babysitting. Or birthday money. But like I said, once in awhile we do treat too. It's nuts though.

  4. Most of the time?

    I am all good at this mothering thing.

    But a little extra stress? A sleepless night? A day in which I just end up frayed? Or on which I almost hit a bicyclist and that adrenaline just FLOWS?

    Then . . . sometimes . . . there is a bad moment.

    And then I forgive myself and move on.

    Because what is there to do but start stacking up the good moments again?

    So forgive yourself.

    And start stacking.

    Much love.

  5. Thank You. I feel like I thank you a lot. I love my blog for three main reasons.

    1. It's mine.
    2. I'm writing.
    3. I found 'Pretty All True' and maybe more importantly, I found kris.

  6. AAAAAAND....

    You did not hit the teens.
    Good driving I think!

  7. Thank You, I think so too. Steven the wonder-driver was less supportive.

  8. OMG, why don't people keep their tots off the street?! I live in a "small" town of 8,000 people and every day I have to break for kids running in the street, some as young as two, with no adults around. Sorry, you hit a pet peeve of mine!

    As for clothes, I have such fond memories of wearing second hand second hand clothing from Sally Ann's. It was a HUGE upgrade when mom and dad could afford to take us shopping for school clothes at Walmart!

    Single Dad Laughing

  9. Pet peeve away, friend!

    I loved school shopping before I knew that brand names were an issue. I usually got three brand new outfits (from Wool-co or Kresge's) and then we'd hit the old Sally Ann for some fillers. Ah, the innocence of it all!