Monday, October 11, 2010

I Hate Jersey Shore

At the urging of a most trusted friend, I watched my first episode of Jersey Shore last night.  She is no longer trustworthy.  She is still my friend only because this is her first real slip of any kind.  Where do I begin?  With why I hated the show or how this has cast a dark shadow on a once pristine friendship?

Let's begin with the sheer hatred I have for the cast of Jersey Shore.  They sweat profusely.  They are not fun to watch party while intoxicated.  They are the kind of people I would steer clear of at all costs if I actually had a social life and didn't spend the better part of my days cleaning up after the five ungrateful a-holes I live with.  The Situation is a fucking dink.  Seriously.  The episode I watched had him trying to steal his friend's ultra-hot Romanian model girlfriend and smacking Snooki on the mouth when he was ready to leave the bar and she didn't want to.  And Snooki looks like a Troll doll.  A slutty little Troll Doll.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Now the Troll doll is incapable of eating or consuming alcohol so it doesn't have quite the same level of curvaceousness as Snooki but take note of the wide eyes, unnatural skin tone and clearly inspiration for the 'pouf'.

She seems like a nice enough girl but I need her to do a better job of keeping her ass and va-jay-jay under wraps.  I don't want to see it.  I also am tired of looking at her tits and I've only watched one episode; watched her on Leno once and laughed at her on Ellen when she guessed one of the 12 Original Colonies was Canada.  She also dances like a whore and did I mention the profuse sweating?

Back to the Situation.  Douche.  The End.

They are all so unbelievably unintelligent and vapid and while I loves me some Reality TV; I can't stomach this.

Back to the damaged friendship; I gave her Sons of Anarchy.  Which includes Jax.  The mother trucking hottest bad ass biker there ever was.  He's smart.  He's tough.  He rides a Harley.  Pauly D has fucked up  hair and  a bad tan.  SOA also has Gemma.  She's smart.  She's got biker chick down to fine form and she will cutabitch, if the situation presents itself.  Gemma and Jax are both in possession of a natural skin tone and anti-perspirant. 

So where will 'Stacey' and I go from here?  I'm not sure but it's going to entail drinking our calories, chips and dip, five cent candies, chocolate and Season 2 of SOA.  It's the least she can do for taking away approximately 40 minutes of my life I will never get back (thank God I recorded it and could fast forward through the commercials).

What I don't get is the huge following Jersey Shore has?  What is wrong with you people?  I am committed to, in no particular order, The Biggest Loser, The Amazing Race, Big Brother, 19 and Counting, Hoarders,'s a long list.  I like reality TV.  If Jersey Shore is to be categorized as such, and I believe it is, who the fucks reality is that?


Yesterday, before watching Jersey Shore, I was feeling all grateful and in a Thanksgiving-y kind of mood (for my American friends, it is Thanksgiving in Canada today).  Then I watched that and spent the better part of today cleaning toilets and doing laundry so gone is grateful and here is bitchy.

Happy Thanksgiving Mother Truckers and a solid set of Double F's to Stacey...with Love.


  1. Thank you! Now I don't feel bad for never watching an episode of that show! Between Jersey Shore and Glee (have no clue wtf that is either), I feel out of the loop. But I refuse to watch it just to fit in! =)

  2. You're very welcome. I must confess I do watch and love Glee. That being said, please never ever ever never watch Jersey Shore because judging from how well we 'get along' via this blog, you would hate it too. I would never do that to a friend. I'm not like some people. ;)

  3. Won't watch it, she does look like a troll, never watched Glee, Biggest Loser, too much like my job, LOVE 19 Kids.
    Happy thanksgiving to you too.

  4. Awwwwwww...I am a friend? Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Thank You Anonymous. I forgot to ask Justine about the Cabbage. Darn. I will ask her this morning.

    Nicki, duh. Of course; I do believe you're my number one commenter and you typically agree emphatically with what I write and therefore think, so YES we are friend! Hugs right back atcha!

  6. Ok sorry but 19 and counting with that simpleton who doesn't seem to have the brain capacity to dress herself nevermind raise children and biggest loser and you are judging stacey for watching pure drunkeness entertainment, dinks or not, doesn't make sense to me in anyway, and please please when are you going to get over mother truckers?

  7. Hey Anonymous, how's this work? Fair enough, each to their own TV taste but if you don't like mothertrucker (which I use in an effort to tone down the swearing a tad), how does go fuck yourself work for you? As far as I know, no one is forcing you to read this. Oh and try posting your name if you really want to make a statement. Cheers Motherfucker. :)

  8. Penny Lane, you are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous, until you post your name, you will now be referred to as fuck-wad. Unless "truck-wad" is less offensive for you. Have a nice day!

  9. Heh heh. Fuck-wad it is. That is so good and I'm a little sad I didn't think of it myself. I was thinking about it the other day and I should've asked "When are you going to get over being anonymous?" to the fuck-wad but I didn't. I guess maybe I just did. I'm on cold meds....