Shit that which Disturbs Me

I have spent the better part of the holiday season compiling a list of things that piss me off.  These little epiphanies would strike as I shopped, ran errands and took in the general merriment of the season.  And although Christmas has passed, the irritation has not.


I took a few moments today to begin an actual physical list.


This is what it is entitled:


'Stuff that pisses me off'


-chewing with your mouth open.  So gross. So wrong. So unacceptable unless you are under 2 years old or over 90.
-Safeways, Costcos, etc.  If this one confuses you, it is you who pisses me off.
-tight clothes.  On other people and on myself.  Tight clothes are a nemesis to us all.  If you are the one wearing tight clothes you are uncomfortable.  However, some folks are repeat offenders and maybe they do not feel this discomfort I do when a waistband is digging into my sides creating the fluffiest of muffin tops...
-"I'm drunk".  Pronouncing this loud and often is usually a sure indicator that said "intoxicated" person? Is not.
-Lack of respect of time.  Here we take a serious turn but I loathe waiting.  The end.
-Lying.  This is pretty universal but I am currently caught in a conundrum wherein I am not sure if a person is lying to me or if they are too stupid to even understand that is what they are doing.  It's tricky and requires further research but given my sheer abhorrence at the thought of spending even five minutes with this person EVER AGAIN, it may remain an Unsolved Mystery.  Does anyone else remember that show?  Man, our whole family used to cozy up to the TV for that little gem.  Two channels.  No remote.  We even watched the commercials.  Crazy times I tell you, crazy.
-Stupidity.  See above.  There are a few breeds of stupid.  There are those who are so stunned they believe they are smarter than everyone in the room and will make that known, without question.  Stupidity often goes hand in hand with lying. These are the bad liars who lie so blatantly and obviously there is no doubt whatsoever that they are lying, yet they carry on.  These people, I've heard, are also fantastic fundraisers.
-Spending money on vehicles.  I hate when a vehicle breaks down.  I can barely stand to part with money for gas, never mind hundreds or thousands on something that should just work and keep working until I don't need it anymore.
-quarter-ton trucks.  


This is, obviously, a working list.  Stay tuned for further additions and possible deletions (although I highly doubt it).  Feel free to respond with suggestions of your own for said list.


So what else happened today?


I watched a middle-aged woman park a half ton truck in an expansive parking lot with ridiculous amounts of room like she was parking a semi.  This did not impede my parking at all or trip into the store I was visiting, but for the love of Pete, dress in drag if you are going to go out and do stupid shit like that.  Otherwise it is nothing but further fodder for the penis-bearers to lament the skills and abilities of women drivers.  


The day did end on a happy, or at the very least, amusing, note.  My husband, two youngest children and I ventured to Wal-Mart tonight to look for birthday party invitations.  This was a failed mission-the birthday boy, oddly enough, did not want Barbie themed invites..  That aside though, while Rhett, who is 4, and I waited for our shopping companions to return from a trip to the cold medication aisle, he shared some important information.  He turned to me and said: "Mom, during the day when sometimes my penis gets stuck to my leg, I just do this."  And with that he proceeded to spread his legs and squat a little.  This was said matter-of-factly and without pomp or circumstance.  I was left to reply with a smile and a "ok".  


Shit that which disturbs me....

Never Say Never

Today I found myself cruising the streets of Moose Jaw with Justin Bieber music blaring from the windows of my silver cross-over vehicle which is basically a minivan trying not be a minivan.

Yeah.  I'm cool like that.

Why Bieber?  Because I have a 7 year old boy who has discovered Bieber and thinks he is God's answer to music.  His favourite song is 'Never Say Never'.  If you don't have either  a small child or a teenage daughter and/or you live under a rock, this is a song Bieber did with Jaden Smith and it's from the movie 'Karate Kid'.

So yes. Three times we listened to it today.  All the while I reminded myself that there was a time I possessed a Milli Vanilli tape and thought it was AWESOME...  We all have our moments.  So I support his Justin Bieber fanaticism at present.  At the very least he loves music and that's all I ask of any of my children.

What else should I write about?

Acting like an elderly woman on the brink of Alzheimer's?  I was looking for my black work binder today. This led me to even checking my vehicle.  Which led to me cleaning and organizing my pretend crossover vehicle.  Which led me back in the house, hot and sweaty and I slumped down in my chair and wondered what the fuck I did with it and was slightly panicked.  Then I looked to my right.  And there it was.  On top of my black printer.  Which may or may not be located a mere foot away from my laptop.   The whole time.

And it was Easter this weekend.  Easter.  How do we as society, who largely revolts against any sort of organized religion come together in such a wild frenzy of sugar and a, so I've been told, pretend Rabbit?  We are not a religious family.  My two youngest children know very little about Jesus.  I think they know his 'last name' is Christ and that when I use His full name, I'm not impressed and I will be equally unimpressed if they choose to use His name in a moment of displeasure.  And I have told them, I think, that Christmas is His birthday.  But to connect Jesus with the Easter Bunny would never happen for them.  I'm not even sure how Christians make the connection.  What does a giant chocolate egg shitting rabbit have to do with the resurrection of Our Lord and Saviour?  Why does he hide the eggs/candy?  What's his deal?  Santa Claus has the decency to celebrate the Lord's birth by bringing gifts and placing them in plain sight.  In socks.  Who decided that?  None of this makes sense to me.

Instead I find myself exhausted at the end.  Christmas is especially difficult.  There are weeks of preparation involved and the day itself is a never ending stream of celebrating and cleaning and eating and then more cleaning.  And not enough sleep.  And oh, it's a time to spend with family and friends.  As Easter is.

Super.  Friends are super.  Families have dynamics.  They can be super.   Super dynamics or super good times but why do we all decide that on this particular date we need to get together.  What's wrong with July 17th?  Nope. No way.  There are no fictional characters bringing shit for anybody and so we will not eat together.  It's not acceptable to celebrate as a family unless we are in the midst of commercializing a previously largely Christian/religious celebration.

Sigh, I sound bitter.  Ha! I almost typed I "shound" bitter.  Which may be more appropriate as I've nearly finished my second glass of wine.

Happy Easter Mothertruckers.

Out

I was bitchy yesterday. All day.  It had me wondering what was up and if I'm one of those people who'll never be content.  Then I showered, did my hair, put on some make-up and clean, semi-fitted clothing and left the house.  Lo and behold, I found myself in a better mood!

You see, like everything else, slob-ness must be done in moderation.  I spent the better part of my day in my favourite pair of sweatpants.  I left my house yesterday morning and I paired the sweats with a fleece hoody and tucked my hair up under my hat.  I looked like ass.  And it turns out, it meant I felt like ass too.

I'm not placing all the blame on my sweats.  There are other factors at play here.  Like my children.  The youngest continues to be an asshole and this time I'm referring to his tendency to come sleep with us in the night.  There is not enough room at the inn.  So I take him back to bed, and within an hour or two, he's back.  We sometimes do this up to three times a night.  This does not equal a rested me.  It actually itches a very bitchy me.  Especially first thing in the morning.

Christmas is coming and I can't quite decide how I feel about that just yet.  I like Christmas.  However, Christmas requires money.  I don't care you are.  And money is still in somewhat limited supply around here.  Not as bad as last year when the piece of shit my husband was working for stopped paying him, but it's still tight.  On the positive side though I am at home.  I can shop on a Monday morning.  I don't have to cram my baking into the two days before Christmas if I was lucky enough to get them off of work.  I don't have to return to work after Christmas.  I'll be working, but from my home.  So there definitely is an upside.

Bottom line is I need to get myself out of this house.  Not allow myself to be lulled by the promise of sweats and un-styled hair every day.   It just doesn't do this body good.  And as a kind friend warned me, I need to keep an eye on 'things' because sweat pants don't get tight.  Or at least not until a good 20 or 30 pounds has been gained, so jeans, once or twice a week (I'm not going to get crazy here), will serve more than one purpose.