Monday, March 21, 2011

Common Denominator

My children were recently given their report cards.  The teenagers received theirs last week but only brought them home today.  Not for the reason you'd think though.  My first grader brought his home today.

The verdict?  They are all geniuses and further to that, they have me to thank for excelling academically, socially, athletically and of course, for their looks.

I'm a winner.


So, let's back that up a bit.  The teenagers share the same DNA.  That is, their father was my first husband.  The first grader, along with Rhett, the 3 year old, share the same father, my current (and forever) husband.  So, when it comes down to how academically gifted they are?  I appear to be the common denominator.  It's basic math.

I'm smart.  I will not comment on my ex-husband's level of intelligence, but will say, again, that I am intelligent.  As are the two children born of that relationship.  Ryan, my now and forever husband?  Possesses more common sense than I.  I have asked him some of the stupidest questions in the free world but they are never about things like literature or mathematics or biology.  It's about time zones or hockey or something else basic that most people who are verbal can comprehend.  That being said, when discussing Reese's report card, we are talking about academics, not time zones and he's smart.  And so am I.  Common Denominator.

Need I say more?

I may have gotten slightly carried away with the athletic part of things.  In fact, I may have lied.  I have to admit this should any of you ever witness any attempt I make to play volleyball, swim or skate.  And forget baseball.  The last time I attempted to play Slo-Pitch I nearly garnered a concussion playing catch.  I treated the head injury with a jello shot and a cigarette though, so no permanent damage was done.   Ah, to be 23 again...

Socially?  Well that's all me again.  At least when it comes to the two older children.  My ex-husband is a nice enough person but contact with another human being often leaves him looking like a deer in the headlights.  I know, I'm the one who married him...remember the lack of common sense plays a big part in some of the misguided choices I've made in life.

The little boys are in a different boat.  The two older children are a nice balance of not knowing when to shut up (me) and not being able to speak aloud outside one's own home (ex).  They are lovely people and well liked by peers, teachers and most people they meet.  The little boys?  Well they are 'blessed' with the gift of two very social parents.  This, I fear, will spell big trouble in the years to come...should I still be blogging, their adolescent antics should provide enough fodder for an honest to goodness book.

And looks...well just take a look at my profile picture.  Do you know anyone else besides myself and Steven Tyler who can rock a scarf like that?

And if you're at all taking this seriously you need to take a few minutes to go back and read up.  I swear to God I'm not an actual egomaniac.  Just of above average intelligence, looks and social skills.  Oh, and I'm one hell of a writer!


  1. I love you . Your totally kickass. : ) keep up the good work.

  2. And I love you as well KittyCat. Anyone who recognizes my winning ways and my beyond proficient level of ass kicking abilities is near and dear to my heart. ;)

  3. Your kids are lucky o be the proud owners of your genes. Every day they should pay some sort of homage to you for there excellent good luck.
    And, I suspect the already do?

  4. Thank you fitfriend. Oh yes, the daily accolades I receive on a nearly hourly basis are almost too much to bear.

  5. Ok....wrote a loooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg ass and quite intelligent reply and the damn internet stopped responding when I hit send. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Can't type it all again but will say that your reasoning is right on and OF COURSE they get all that shit from you!!! Damnit, I wish the other comment went through...It was all scientific about uteruses and vaginas and smarts and shit. You woulda liked it! Hoping this one goes through! Fingers crossed!

  6. I am very sad the other comment didn't make it through! Vaginas, smarts and shit is a pretty good summary though ;)