Friday, March 4, 2011

Cookies & Crack

I went to Chapter's last night. By myself.  Without money.  That's like sending Charlie Sheen to a brothel without his penis or blow.  It was almost physically uncomfortable.  So many books.  Office supplies.  Fun sarcastic sticky notes and notebooks in and on which I could and would create.  Books books books.  Funny books.  Sad books.  Biographies.  Hair magazines.

And what did I buy?

Zip.  Zero.  Nada. Nothing.

I simply basked in the glow of the atmosphere and longed for a some Godiva chocolates and to live back in the city where I could go to Chapter's more than once every three months.  Oh and money.  I longed for money.  Money that would allow me to enter the store and buy whatever caught my fancy.

tee hee.  My fancy.  That's what I'm calling 'it' now.

Just kidding.  But seriously they have these new notebooks there now that are super cool.  I must have them and I will.  My birthday is at the end of the month and I've already decided I will be requesting a gift card.  I keep asking for one CD that I've yet to get so I'm going to give up on that and go the gift card route and get me some new notebooks.  I can also go into Staples and get just as excited about the stationary and office supplies there.

It's a sad strange addiction.

As is my addiction to cookies.  Which I baked this afternoon.  So that's awesome.  I have freshly baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in my house.  And milk.  So now I'm bloated.   Instead of "seven rocks" a day like our friend Charlie, I have approximately put away seven cookies and a glass of milk at this point.  So instead of having a hangover (or withdrawal-whatever Mr. Sheen's demon is), I am bloated and tired and working my way quickly to a Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis before I'm 40.

And it's Friday.  Friday night, right?  Good times.  Um, yeah, no.  Instead I'll likely watch recorded episodes of Grey's Anatomy or Harry's Law and Chelsea Lately.   Hopefully Shameless too.  I have wine.  And vodka, but I am so tired (long week + sugar crash) that having a drink doesn't even appeal to me at this point.  I want only to sleep.  And eat vast amounts of comfort food.  And buy a new notebook.

I don't think these are outlandish requests but, like Charlie Sheen, the planets are currently aligning against me.  He and I are simply and sadly misunderstood. 

Penny & Charlie
Charlie & Penny
Cookies & Crack
Crack &'s all really just the same.

Well, except that Charlie could actually buy himself an actual Chapter's franchise and I can't even get a fucking notebook.  That just doesn't seem fair.

I need another cookie.


  1. Hey I could of come over, I had a glass of wine and watched all my dvr stuff.
    had a long ass day at work.
    however I cant do the cookies. sorry man.
    I can do whole wheat fig newtons. : )

  2. KittyCat, in my world Fig Newtons count as cookies. I like them. There we go. Head on over. You know where Saskatchewan is, right?

  3. I won't ever go to a store without money. I am still so fucking childish that I will literally throw a tantrum if I can't buy something I want. I have not been in a store in 3-4 weeks now because I am broke! Not even grocery shopping...I make the hubbie do that cuz there are a lot of non-food things I would buy just because they can be...OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WORD? I DREW A BLANK!...hidden? no. Costume..that's a noun, not a verb. CONCEALED! That's it. They can be concealed as groceries cuz my husband doesn't read the entire receipt. He just looks at the total.

  4. Oh Nicki, you make me laugh!! I think I'm so accustomed to 'window shopping' as opposed to the real thing that it's rarely an issue. Well, except for that notebook....

  5. Just started following your blog, awesomne post!!

  6. Hi Lindsay, Glad to have you here and thanks!!