Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hello, Lover

Today was a big girl day for me.  I had a small meeting of sorts in Regina so dressed up in real pants, wore make-up and jewellery and heels.  It also meant a small road trip.  On the way into Regina, a forty minute drive, the roads were not great and so it was more than 40 minutes.  I attempted to enjoy some Fleetwood Mac but was instead annoyed with the chickenshit in front of me driving what amounted to a child's red wagon and worried as I looked at the semi and four vehicles in the ditch.  Did I really need to be on the road?

Maybe, maybe not, but I did get a free golf tee out of the trip and made it there and back safely.

I also was able to shop at Chapter's thanks to my mother and her one day early birthday gift of a gift card to said store.  It was like being provided with a my very own hit of heroin!  To be clear, I've never done heroin nor do I want to but those folks on Intervention seem to experience quite an intense high and this is how I feel when at Chapter's. 

I am nothing if not hardcore.

I bought some books and a another notebook-y, to-do list agenda type of thing and still have a whole $5 left on the gift card.  I then went to Starbucks and got a Caramel Macchiato and a brownie type of bar.  And then I carried on home fueled by my two best friends, caffeine and sugar.

I literally have said: "Hello, Lover" to both coffee/chocolate items a few times in as many days.  It's a line from Sex and the City uttered by Sarah Jessica Parker to shoes?  a man?  I don't remember and now my friends who are more devoted fans than I are rolling their eyes and silently shaming me.

The caffeine and sugar quickly kicked in and before I knew it I was performing a high-spirited rockin' rendition of 'Kiss with a Fist'.  I do not know who sings it.  I'm not even sure if that's the title.  What I am sure of is how much I rocked at it and that someone should get it on film.  I later switched gears and harmonized (snort) with Willie Nelson on his version of 'Always on My Mind'.  There I sat crooning and swaying about how maybe "I didn't treat you as good as I should have" when I was prompted to shout "Cocksucker!" in a bout of Tourette's spurred by an asshole driver.

Seriously, when is someone going to outfit my vehicle with a camera? This is Jersey Shore material here.  Except I will never ever be DTF on camera.  Nor will I tan.  I am vain and although I want to tan (not to Jersey Shore levels, mind you) I do not want to spark any further premature aging.  My hair is already likely at least 40% grey; I do not need to add leathery skin to the mix.  This is also why I carry around these extra five (twenty) pounds.  To fill out the wrinkles and keep my skin looking soft and supple.

If you believe that?  We should be friends.

For now it's off to scarf on some of the chocolate that accompanied my gift card today.  Life is good.


  1. You fucking crack me up. I drive fast all the time without the sugar shit.
    and You should try Five Finger Death Punch next time. Kickass band.

    Just sayin

    missed you sorry ive been away

  2. Well I missed you too. I like fucking cracking anybody up! Five Finger Death Punch, you say? I shall Google it.

  3. Sounds like an awesome day and glad you were safe! And that is a very good thing for me to remember....my fat keeps me young!!!! Thanks! Wahoooo!!