Today the weather finally broke and it was not 100 degrees below zero so we took our two youngest children tobogganing. The teenagers couldn't be bothered. The girl said she was going to study for finals. However, when I left she was watching Jersey Shore. The boy didn't give a reason but was also watching Jersey Shore when we left. In their defence, I may have actually been the one to introduce Snooki and the gang to them. Yes, I'm hanging my head in shame.
Anyway, back to the tobogganing. I am not really an outdoorsy girl. I am so not one of those people who loves to be outside. Instead, when it's nice out, I either force myself out, or feel guilty for not being out, or bitchily wish it was cloudy and gross so I had a reason to sloth out on the couch. So it was to my surprise when I really had a great time sledding today. I even went down by myself a few times when my three year old was busy on the swings. I raced my seven year old, one of his friends and their older brothers. My ass was literally wet from the snow. A pair of yoga pants with long underwear underneath are not effective wetness protection... Just in case you're wondering.
When Rhett (3 year old) and I went down together, we both laughed just as hard and I took great pride in us making it all the way to the ice shack. For those of you who live in places meant to be inhabited by humans and are therefore wondering what the fuck an ice shack is, it's a building put up by outdoor rinks where one can put their skates on, etc.
While I was revelling in the world of snow sports I realized I like tobogganing more than swimming. This could be because I swim like a brick. I'm about as home in the water as Snooki is in the library.
There are a number of reasons for this:
1. I don't feel like an incompetent ass because really, who can't sled down a hill? Lots of people can't swim and I happen to be one of them. I can dog paddle I suppose but I fear that doesn't count.
2. I was wearing clothing that did not expose any of my repeated therapy sessions with my doctor, Mr. Peanut Butter Cup. I looked all sporty and did not spend the entire time trying to position myself in such a way to suggest I actually have abs and that my thighs don't touch.
3. I was the only Mom there but if any others had been there? Even if they were 'hot'? No one can really tell the difference. Yeah she may look smaller and maybe have a prettier face but it's not as glaring as being side by side on a beach with fucking Heidi Klum and feeling like, well, like Snooki, I guess.
Why is this post entitled Top Gun? Well, I've also decided my love of tobogganing comes from my need for speed. I used to enjoy skiing a lot when I was younger. I'm sure I still would but the opportunity hasn't presented itself. I also used to love boat rides in our family's ancient 'motorboat' when I was a kid too. I like to drive fast.
Clearly, I like to live life on the edge. And you can't get much edgier than a Sunday afternoon spent tobogganing on what barely qualifies as a hill, with your kids, followed by a trip to Tim Horton's.
Lane, Penny Lane.