Monday, August 9, 2010

Mike Holmes is not actually God

Earlier this year my family and I were watching one of our new favourite shows: The Middle.  In one episode the mother berates herself for not having a more "perfect" family.  Number one: No such family exists.  Number two:  she tried to perpetuate some perfection by having the family sit down, eat dinner together instead of in front of the TV and share the best part of their day and the worst part.  We generally eat together as a family at the table.  It is very rare that we eat in front of the TV.  However, after that episode we laughingly tried the best and worst business and it kind of stuck.  Mostly because of my two youngest boys. 

Today this is the inspiration for my post.

BEST PARTS OF MY DAY: Spending some time with my two oldest children this morning running errands.  They got along!  We laughed and joked and talked and nobody was angry with anyone else! Cha-ching!

Next up was running into a friend and chatting with her about our respective life changes as of late.  Hearing that I am being described as a "completely different person" since my job situation occurred.

Front runner with the happy time with kids?  Eskimo Pie.  That's all I'm saying about that.  Well except that there is nothing sweeter or more soothing than a chubby baby with dark hair who is way too alert for a newborn.

WORST PARTS OF MY DAY: Guess what?  Despite my new found calm and inner peace as of late I learned this is not how all of my family members feel about our current situation and I feel beyond helpless.  And frustrated.  Which may be unfair but fuck it, I am happy.  Well at this very minute I'm not happy, I'm actually bitchy, but that's besides the point.  Parenting is hard. Duh.  I often crave simplicity and ease.  It will never happen because life is not about either of these things.  Which is what makes it good too.  I know this but every once in awhile, I'd like a break.

My husband not responding to my unspoken requests to do what the fuck I want right the fuck now.  There you have it.  I am mature enough to admit this.  I am guilty of it all of the time.  I tend to operate at pace ten times that of my husband.  He is someone who can revel in the delights of life at any pace.  And today was a good day for him.  And I?  Became annoyed because happy as he is?  He's in even less of a rush than usual. GRR. Argggghh.  We often have slight disagreements when shopping because I tend to use my 33 year old legs for what they are intended: walking at a brisk pace.  My husband uses his to stroll.  He is the motherfuckin' king of strolling. 

Driving?  Just about ends us sometimes.  I like to drive fast.  He likes to check other people's lawns, trucks, obey speed limits and smoke.  Which means he does not drive fast.  I could be hemorrhaging from my eyes and God forbid someone is renovating the exterior of their home and not doing something to code because then?  Good bye vision.  Hello white cane and a stirring rendition of what the code is and why Mike Holmes is next to God.

Finally, my 16 year old is currently serenading me with "Turn Around" by Bonnie Tyler. This likely falls in both categories.



  1. your husband related to mine? Is he incapable of BENDING over to actually LOOK in the fridge for something, filling an empty jar/shaker/toilet paper roll, folding a towel..or taking a wet one to the laundry? If so,lets check the genogram! OR. Maybe it's a male trait ( recessive of course!)

  2. It's sounding all too familiar...sigh. ;)

  3. We go around the table every night, and everyone has to list three great things that happened to them today.

    We do not go around the table and list our complaints.

    We are way gifted at complaining.

    Better to focus on the positive.

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  5. Spelling error in previous comment! The horror! Anyway we try to keep our negatives positive as we can and the youngest guy doesn't even get the whole aspect of something bad happening during his day. Or at least the idea of holding onto it. You gave me some new perspective though as we are quite gifted gripers ourselves.