Monday, July 12, 2010

Dreaming the Impossible Dream

Today I attempted to engage in what is commonly referred to as "self care". This is what it was supposed to look like: Get up, shower, actually do hair and apply make-up, drop children off at daycare for the entire day. Drive to Regina and go where ever I want and spend as much time there as I want and just take. my. time. Spend an inordinate amount of time at Chapters. Visit Starbucks. Eat the raspberry loaf with the delicious lemon icing.

This is what today actually looked like:

Get up, wipe three year old's ass, shower, don't really do hair, discover six year old may or may not have pink eye. Call daycare provider to see how she feels about that. She's good with it. Obstacle overcome. Administer antibiotic eye drops to poor child in hopes it will work and can ease mommy guilt over choosing books and icing over his eye health. Husband informs me (yesterday actually) my vehicle needs an oil change right now so maybe I should stop and do that before I leave town. It should be known I dislike the necessity of putting gas in my vehicle. It's cumbersome in it's time consuming-ness and expensive. I prefer to spend my money on books and icing. An oil change is a whole new level of annoyance. So anyway, ask husband to drop children off. He agrees. Yes. Make bed, decide hair is 'good enough', apply make-up, sweep living room, pick up toys, fold blanket, set alarm, leave house. Drop off movie (Brothers, sooo good; that kid who played the oldest girl is phenomenal), get coffee and muffin, drive to dealership for oil change. See line up. Drive away.

First stop: Super Wal-Mart. Trying to find a dresser for my youngest child. Can't find one that doesn't cost more than it should. Instead find Chocolat on Blu-Ray for $10! Johnny and I will soon spend some quality time together with his hair, his guitar and chocolate. Sigh. Also purchase Sex and the City - Season 1. Haven't seen them all yet, figure now is as good as time as any to build my library, as it were. Make a few other mundane purchases, leave.

Second stop: Jysk. Waste. of. time. Had to listen to that god awful song 'Fireflies'. Literally look for a discounted candle holder sharp enough to cause irreparable damage to my ear drums so I never have to listen to that song again.

Third stop: Home Sense & Winners. Buy new purse and wallet. Yay me! Look at bathing suits. Briefly consider trying on one and then decide not to ruin a pleasant day.

Stop #4: Quizno's for lunch (this is turning into a commercial, sorry). It's packed. Use bathroom and leave and go two doors over to Extreme Pita. Enjoy a chicken souvlaki pita with Greek salad. Read the paper. Bask in the glory of eating uninterrupted and getting caught up to speed with current events.

#5: Petland. Play with three adorable kittens and some puppies. Pet and hold what may have been one of the ugliest cats I've ever seen. A calico whose ears have both fallen victim to frostbite (I assume). Sits himself right on my lap and proceeds to bathe. Poor white and black cat in kennel observes this and cries. Ugly ear less calico hisses at other cat. I laugh and resume petting Van Gogh (I just decided this is his name). Van Gogh would prefer I not pet him while he's bathing on my lap so turns around and hisses at me. I laugh again. Continue to carry on conversation with both cats. Wonder how many people have passed by and gotten warm fuzzies from watching a clearly special needs woman play with the our dog ginormous bone and cats expensive wet cat food.

#6: Candy Store. It was just okay. Purchased some black cherry pop.

Stop #7 was not supposed to happen. But it did. I was drawn like a moth to a flame. Costco. Only spent $80 though and most frivolous purchase was a bag of Salt and Pepper chips for my husband. Feel the need to pee while at Costco but it's busy and decide I'll wait until I get to the Holy Grail of Self Care Shopping Day stops: Chapters.

Chapters: Ahhhh. I love books. I pee. To clarify I use the bathroom; I'm not an overexcited puppy sort of person who just pisses herself at the sheer joy of being in a bookstore. I wander; touching books, reading covers, perusing educational workbook section for kids. Wait, what's this? A little blip on the radar of book inspired bliss? Cramping? Put book down and head for washroom. Desecrate Chapters in a way I'm uncomfortable with. If you follow Sassy Curmudgeon (and if you don't, you should) she recently wrote a post about Ladies' Room Etiquette (well, it's actually titled "Poop Stall" or something to that effect) and every rule was broken today. Against my will. I did my best. For those of you who don't love books with an unbridled fervor won't understand. If you love clothes imagine you finally make it to Rodeo Drive and are in some designer shop and your chicken souvlaki pita turns on you. The shame. The horror. The odor. Never mind that I'm pretty sure one of the Real Housewives of Regina was in the stall beside me. Size 4. Big hair. Dressed all in white. Sorry lady.

Skip Starbucks because stomach is not up for coffee or even, sadly enough, lemon icing.

Contemplate one more stop but then feel like I should get home. Told the boys I'd pick them up by 4 p.m. They can't tell time yet mommy guilt and obligation win this one. Upon returning to town, get oil change. Read a magazine. Figure out how much I spent today (ouch). Pick up children. Return home with one child with scraped chin, knee and finger from a fall on the step outside daycare. Other child giddy with excitement at prospect of treats. Haul bags in. Give dog his bone. Give kids their treats. Put other purchases away.

Do not feel relaxed, really. Realize I missed a very important phone call and feel annoyed person did not choose to try and reach me on my cell phone. Try to call them back. No answer. Grrr. Feed kids soup and cheese buns for supper.

Contemplate self care. Decide, in the future, Grape Vodka is really the only way to go.

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